Scott Gurvey

I’m beginning to think I have been going about this the wrong way. I write about the never-ending string of mass shootings. I tell the history of the Second Amendment. I deplore the right-wing Republican judges who overturn even the most reasonable legislation designed to curtail the endless supply of weapons. But here we are with another mass shooting. And on the same weekend, a single killing which would have been worse had it not been for some heroism by a church congregation.

A majority of the American people favor placing stricter limits on the ownership of guns. But the political leaders do not.

So, I figure, the hell with it. There was a time when the wild west was roamed by armed Americans, defending themselves against each other and any indigenous people who might be upset to see their lands stolen from them. We romanticize those gun toting Americans as pioneers and idolized them in countless movies and television programs. Let us go back to those days of yore when everybody packed a pistol.

The time has come for a new campaign, “Guns for All.” It’s the American way. Even the simplest derringer may be too much for kindergarten. But I’m sure by the first grade any boy or girl can handle one. With so many state legislatures now dictating the school curriculum, they can just add shooting into the mix. Proper handling and safety would be good topics to teach, but they are not necessary. You only need to teach the kids how to lock and load.

So we occasionally have some accidents where a kid blows off a toe or two. They have ten so there are lots of spares. I have read about people of the male persuasion blowing off something else that may be dangling down there. But you know, you roll the dice and take your chances.

We are already well on the way for almost every state in the union to have approved open carry and many allow concealed carry, often without the need for a pesky permit. There are a few stick-in-the-mud states, like New York and California, which still make the registration process difficult. But any dedicated shooter just has to drive over the border to a neighboring state to buy whatever is needed. High-capacity magazines? Check. Silencers? OK. Want devices to make a semi act like an auto? You betcha.

These new rules won’t help you on private property. The second amendment applies only to governments. That means poor, depraved, opps…. deprived Republican member of Congress Madison Cawthorn of North Carolina will still get stopped by the TSA as he tries to carry a gun on an airplane. Cawthorn has done it twice. But it does mean the gun nuts in Congress will have clear sailing carrying their weapons onto the floor of the Senate and House of Representatives. Poor Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi will have to take down her metal detectors, which Republican Reps. Louie Gohmert of Texas, Steve Stivers of Ohio, Van Taylor of Texas, Lauren Boebert of Colorado, Debbie Lesko of Arizona, and Larry Bucshon of Indiana, among others, have been ignoring. Gun loving Republican Andy Harris of Maryland got caught carrying a gun onto the floor of the House. More power to him. Nancy can wear a bulletproof vest like everybody else in the country.

I predict a tremendous stimulus for the economy because of our move to a guns-for-all policy. Prime time television can feature the latest in heavy arms. There can be runway shows displaying the latest in holsters and other concealment methods for those who wish to be more discrete. I’m looking at the SIG-Sauer P229 myself. That is the gun the NYPD uses.

And over at the Supreme Court, the metal detectors can come down. The U.S. Marshals can be sent home. The Supremes love guns. Or at least six of them do. The minority three is just that, the minority. And the framers of the Constitution never used the word minority in their document so the three will just have to fend for themselves. I bet Sonia Sotomayor will turn out to be a surprisingly good shot.

The Court is genuinely concerned about leaks these days so I’m sure getting information out of the building is even more difficult than it was before. But I do hope some brave soul will give us an update. I want to know how many of the justices are packing heat at their next Friday conference.

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